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| Are Affairs Healthy? |
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Intimacy is the unique bond between two people that links them together emotionally, spiritually and sexually. The meshing of these elements forms the cornerstone of a monogamous relationship and explains in part, its distinctiveness to the human species. It also explains why its absence foretells non-exclusivity, suggesting that successful and healthy relationships require more than sex to function. It is the feeling of connectedness that forms the basis of intimacy making it possible for relationships to grow and sustain the challenges that are often brought on by stress, illness, and work and family problems. Intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together taking over when the intense passion of a new relationship transforms into a more enduring union based on common values, love and commitment.
For intimacy to develop and be sustained, a person must feel valued, cherished and respected by their partner. These feelings signify equity and balance in a relationship and secure the bond between the partners. Equally important is the need for effective communication of these feelings because without it, a rift can develop. If not reversed, the link between partners is at risk of being lost. Thus the greatest threat to intimacy is not exposure to attractive people of the opposite sex, but the inability of a couple to feel and communicate their connectedness to each other.
The circumstances that contribute to the fracturing of the intimate bond are diverse but most often involve transferring emotional energy that was once directed toward the relationship to other sources such as career, children, outside interests and friends. While good relationships can weather temporary emotional absences, if they go on indefinitely, they too will suffer. Under these conditions people may reconnect emotionally and spiritually with someone outside of their relationship by once again fulfilling their needs for acceptance and understanding. Relationships such as these often begin benignly but may later evolve by becoming sexual. This pattern is most typical of "affairs of the heart", affairs that pose the greatest threat to the primary relationship.
When people find themselves in a loveless marriage, two things come to mind:
1) You're having an affair is probably not a breach in intimacy. In other words, the "cheating" is not on an emotional level since the feelings have been gone for quite a while.
2) We all have a need to be loved and feel connected. From what you write, you are not connected to or loved by your spouse but it appears as if you are with and by your lover. The challenge remains, how do you reconcile this with yourself and your lifestyle? As in many things there are many trade offs. In your case, it is happiness and fulfillment for deception (and all that goes with it) and the inability for you to share your life totally with your lover. You asked, can you still carry on a normal family life? The answer is, I guess so. But it means compartmentalizing your life and living in two different worlds.
The more important question for people in these situations to answer is: "Do you think you can do it?" Look deep inside yourself and examine your values, morals and lifestyle. If you are fine with it, then why not. If you cannot then, examine your options such as separation, divorce and what is becoming more popular, a "living arrangement". The latter is an arrangement where two people agree to maintain the structure of their legal marriage (housing, finances, family obligations) but lead separate lives socially etc. This does away with the deception, lessening the emotional burden.
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Dr. Reena Sommer is a relationship and divorce consultant. She is also the author of "The Anatomy of an Affair". For more information about affairs go to http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca/info_products/anatomy_p.pdf
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| Beautiful Skin 101 |
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Most women shy away from being called “too sensitive.” But when the subject is skin, they’re all too willing to wear the scarlet S. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, at least 40% of women believe they have sensitive skin, although most dermatologists report that only a fraction really do. Sensitivity – defined as skin that’s prone to irritation from products, weather, or stress – is a real (albeit misunderstood) condition. It’s not the same as an allergy. It means you have a lower tolerance for irritating ingredients, such as fragrances and dyes. The evil twist here is that the more skin reacts, the more sensitive it becomes. Imagine normal skin having a natural barrier like Saran Wrap. People with sensitive skin have a disrupted barrier all the time. But by identifying what disrupts that barrier and protecting it with the right moisturizer, you can develop a thicker skin.
Read Labels – Before applying creams, lotions, or makeup, read the ingredients list. The fewer ingredients on the label, the better. All products and formulas should be free of fragrance, dye, and isopropyl alcohol (commonly known as rubbing alcohol). And beware of botanical ingredients and oils. Test each new product on the side of your neck for a few days before using it on your face.
Cleanse – Wash you face with a milky, non-foaming liquid cleanser or a soap-free bar. Do not use a washcloth or any rough scrubber, which can be too abrasive for sensitive skin. Rinse face well by splashing with lukewarm water and pat with a soft towel, leaving skin slightly damp. There is no need to use a toner, which generally contains drying and irritating isopropyl alcohol.
Moisturize – Dab moisturizer onto damp skin in the morning and night. Look for one that contains ceramides, fatty acids, or cholesterol, all of which help form a protective barrier against irritation. In the morning, when the moisturizer is absorbed, apply a sunscreen (with an SPF 15 or higher). It should also contain zinc oxide or titanium dioxide, which are least likely to cause reactions.
Cheat Sheet
Choose the right products. “Allergy-tested” means it doesn’t have ingredients that cause common reactions. “Noncomedogenic” means it won’t clog pores.
Read labels. Not everyone with sensitive skin is troubled by the same thing, but the most common irritants, in order, include fragrance, isopropyl alcohol, dyes, PABA, lanolin, sorbic acid, formaldehyde, and benzoic acid.
Don’t assume that natural products are safe. Some botanicals (rosemary, sandalwood, arnica) and essential oils (jojoba, tea tree, lavender) may irritate.
Test samples on the neck for several days. If they don’t irritate you, they’ll probably be fine for your face.
Don’t try an arsenal of new products at once. Similarly, if skin breaks out, stop using everything, and reintroduce products one by one.
Be as gentle as possible. Use a creamy, liquid cleanser or a soap-free bar and rinse with lukewarm water. Avoid Buf-Pufs and washcloths. Pat with a towel and leave skin slightly damp.
Moisturize with a product for sensitive skin, or one that contains fatty acids, cholesterol, and ceramides.
Every day, be sure to apply a PABA-free sunscreen that contains titanium dioxide or zinc oxide.
Daily Basics
Wash with a milky, non-foaming liquid.
Use a soap-free formula with oatmeal that calms dry and itchy skin.
For day, use a fragrance-free moisturizer containing a non-irritating sunscreen. At night, smooth on a noncomedogenic formula that helps fortify the skin’s barrier while you sleep.
Dermatologists say that sensitive-skin sufferers are more likely to avoid using sunscreens, associating them with past reactions to PABA. Choose one that won’t aggravate skin.
It’s not just what you put on your face. Hair spray can cause breakouts along the hairline. Use an allergy-tested and keep the hair off the face whenever possible.
Extra Help
To soothe redness, dermatologists recommend using a fragrance-free treatment. A dime-size dab of an over-the-counter 1% hydrocortisone cream also relieves itching.
For dryness on the body, increase resistance to the environment with a product containing lipids, which is safe for sensitive types.
To treat blemishes, start with an irritant-free face lotion that minimizes blotches with vitamin A. Follow with a concealer that won’t aggravate acne, which does double duty by helping clear and conceal blemishes.
Dermatologists like products that get their color from iron oxides, which are less likely to cause reactions. They’re also talc-free, which means they won’t rob skin of the moisture it needs.
Tricks of the Trade
Don’t’ shower or bathe for more than 20 minutes, or you’ll dry out your skin. Use lukewarm water.
Don’t start any aggressive treatments during the winter, when skin is dryer and more sensitive because of low humidity and indoor heating. A humidifier helps skin from becoming parched.
Grainy or chemical exfoliants can cause breakouts. Excessive daily scrubbing rubs the sebaceous glands, which can clog pores. Use a clay or mud mask to slough off dead cells instead.
Facials are trouble unless they’re simple, steam-free, and employ fragrance-free products.
Avoid chemical peels and laser treatments if you’re sensitive to exfoliants and skin-lightening creams.
If acne medications irritate your skin, ask your doctor about taking oral antibiotics or birth-control pills, which can help minimize blemishes.
Keep Retin-A treatments to only once a week. Dilute the strength by mixing it with your moisturizer.
For skin that seems provoked by anything and everything, ask you dermatologist about cleansers and moisturizers that are normally prescribed for hypersensitive postsurgery and postpeel patients.
This article is brought to you by IH Distribution, LLC.
Bringing you health, anti-aging and skin care products from around the world.
Shop online: www.ihdistribution.com & www.ihd.myarbonne.com or contact us: sales@ihdistribution.com
Please share the content of these articles with your friends, family and colleagues. Reprint rights granted. All reprints, must include a link to www.ihdistribution.com. Content may not be altered and articles must be used as distributed by IH Distribution, LLC
Copyright © IH Distribution LLC 2004 |
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| Infidelity - Again! |
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Relationships |
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Did you know that the majority of people who experience
infidelity in their relationships will likely experience it
again - even if they move on to other relationships!!
Pretty unbelieveable - but unfortunately, it's the truth.
One would think that getting badly burned once would be
enough. But that's not quite the way it happens for many....
There are reasons for why infidelity, adultery and extra marital
affairs often become a repeated pattern for some people in
relationships and not in others. People are complicated and
things are not always as they appear.
Neverthess, a relationship's vulnerability to infidelity
comes down to the following major three factors...
ONE - People's choices in a partner or spouse are not in
line with what they need or want, or with what their
spouse or partner can give them. In other words, there
is a mismatch along the important dimension of emotional
intimacy.
TWO - People fail to make their relationships a priority
by putting the time and energy into them that they need.
That leaves them open for infidelity and cheating to
take root.
THREE - People fail to understand the issues that lead to
the infidelity, adultery and extra marital affair in the
first place. They also don't see the part they played in
the relationship's failure. For many people, it is easier
to blame someone else for things that went wrong rather
than looking inward for understanding.
Does any of this ring a bell? If it does, then it's
time to pay attention. Goodness knows, you don't need
another round of the heartache and grief that comes with
infidelity and extra marital affairs.
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ABOUT THIS ARTICLE...
This free article has been provided to you by Reena Sommer,
Ph.D. of Reena Sommer & Associates -
http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca
To learn more about the REAL REASONS why people cheat, read
Dr. Sommer's free mini e-Book - "The Anatomy of An Affair"
at http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca/info_product/anatomy_p.pdf
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